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You Can Make It Better N Better With Your Parents!

As you are growing up, you need space and you tend to move a little away from your family in the process of searching for an identity of your own. You need some independence yet your sense of belonging to your family is very important. Your family does matter a lot to you.

Some of the time however, you may find your family rather annoying. Your family can at times, find you annoying too! But somehow you and your family can work things out and stay together as one happy family.

Let us look at some of the things you and your parents may disagree on.

Bedtime

Parents expect you to have at least 8-9 hours of good sleep and follow the adage "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise". But, night time is when you become "alive". There are good TV shows to watch, phone calls to make and ICQs over the internet. Yes, to you, young people, going to bed "early" is boring! You probably tell your parents that none of your friends go to bed early either!

The fact is not having enough sleep will make us tired the next day. Some studies have shown that young people require more sleep than at other ages because of their rapid growth and active lifestyle during the day. Not having sufficient sleep can also reduce our resistance to stress, flu and other infections. You could perhaps negotiate with your parents – early to bed on school days and later, over the weekends.

Keeping Your Room Clean

This is a task your parents expects you to do and you don't like them "nagging" you on how dirty your room is. Remember, your parents especially your mother is not your maid! Keeping your room clean is good training for you. Do not expect everyone to do things for you. If you do not like cleaning your room everyday, at least negotiate with your parents and clean the mess up on agreed days. Doing chores is a responsibility that you have to undertake - it is an essential part of growing up into a responsible adult.

Loud Music

Loud music can turn young people on. It's cool, right? The louder the better. Your parents are not too happy. They know it's your music; it gives you a great feeling. But they are not pleased because they are concerned. Loud music can harm the ears. Studies have shown that in this modern age, "ear busting" rock music and high-powered stereos and headphones are causing loss of hearing among young people almost three times more than before. Should you reduce the deafening loudness and save your ears? Know your risks. Some young people enjoy studying with music in the background – not too loud to distract them, but just nice and supportive music, which will aid them in studying.

Homework

Doing homework and studying is an important part of a young people's life. It prepares you for a better future. Parents constantly remind you to finish your homework and to study consistently. They can't be wrong. As a student, you need time for homework and study. Get organized, prepare your study schedule and discuss with your parents. Get going, do your assignments and don't keep the task of studying as the last thing to do at night! You might be too tired by then, or it may mean staying up late. But you need enough energy and rest to enjoy another bright, new day.

Parties

Parties are important to a lot of young people. You look forward to parties and you have great fun with friends. All your worries disappear. Your parents constantly remind you to have good, clean fun. No alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and which they also indirectly hint, "No sex" too.

It is important that you let your parents know where you are going, and with whom you are going out. Agree to the home rules on when you will be back. If you want to be late, check out with them if you can stay on a little longer. If they say, "NO" don't argue, nor show a "long" face when you return home. Your parents have the right to say, "NO" for this is an "extension" of the agreed time - something that was not discussed nor agreed upon earlier. Rules are rules and the sooner you learn to take on responsibilities, the faster your parents will trust you and eventually allow you more freedom.

Privacy

Privacy is also very important to you and your personal things means a lot to you. You need your own area and trust that your parents, sisters and brothers and other family members will leave your things alone. And your room is your private place! It is true that sometimes parents do not realize your need to privacy but do understand them too. Your parents have been so use to coming in and out of your room when you were a child - to tidy up, to take away dirty clothes, to put in clean clothes, to stack up your toys, to stack up your books and lots more. Then you become an adolescent, and you are expected to continue within your parents' standards. Sometimes you failed to live up to their expectations and they may "invade" your privacy - tidying up your things and throwing away "rubbish" which are your "personal" things. The point is if you value privacy, there is a responsibility that goes with it - stay within the standards of your parents and if at times, you can't meet their standards, discuss with them, seek their help. They will understand your needs much better through talking than through rows.

On Reducing Arguments

There are many more things that you and your parents can argue about but there are also a lot more things that you all agree on and keep your family going. Nobody can win all the time – sometimes your parents give in, at other times you are expected to follow (and without complaining). But there are some ways in which you can try to reduce arguments with your parents.
  • Do understand that it is a waste of energy and time to argue on things you can't win.
    Your parents, like you can be stubborn too. And they have valid reasons for doing so. Understand those reasons and you won't feel you have lost an argument. Once your parents see your ability to accept responsibilities, they know you are becoming matured and will come around to you and even eventually, accept your viewpoints.

  • f you can't get through to your parents, try getting another person to do so.
    If the argument is so intense and you can't "talk" to your parents, involve someone, a close aunt or uncle or anyone who is trusted by both your parents and you. Sometimes it easier to talk to that person who will then talk to your parents. Things can be sorted out.

  • Avoid arguments over unimportant things. It is not easy when one is in an argument. But look at the main point of the argument and discuss those issues. Avoid bringing in other unrelated events nor say hurtful things. Saying "hurtful" things can make matters worse.

  • Choose the "right" time to discuss important issues with your parents. Your parents like you, have moods too. Talk and discuss important issues with them at the "right" time, for example when they are relaxing and not, for instance, 5 minutes before they rush for work.

  • Lastly listen to your parent's point of view. It may seem boring or not cool. But the fact is if you listen attentively to them, it is more likely that they will also listen to you. Don't jump to conclusion – let your parents finish talking (or as you may say, nagging) first, don't get "boiled" over - listen sincerely, then discuss with them. Easier said than done. But it can be done and it works! Try it.

You can make it better N better with your parents!

Piaro, FFPAM

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