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It Won’t Happen To Me

Becky failed to make a choice, and she ended up pregnant

"Don’t worry, Mom. I can take care of myself," were Becky’s last words as she left for the evening. When she came home she was extra quiet, but her parents didn’t think anything about it.

Six weeks later, Becky got her parents together and told them she was pregnant.

Becky was doing well in school – an "A" scorer student, actively involved in school and her church youth group.

How Did It Happen?

During the year-end school holidays, Becky went to a church camp. There, she met Aaron. They hit off pretty well and became good friends. After returning home from camp, Becky and her mother had several conversations about serious relationships, and Becky realized that she and Aaron were becoming too serious too soon. So, she wrote to tell him that she appreciated their friendship, but she didn’t want it to go any further than that.

Aaron called immediately and confirmed his strong feelings for Becky, but she still insisted they were becoming too serious.

Several weeks later, Aaron’s and Becky’s families went to a church convention. Aaron was sharing a motel room with his parents. One night Aaron invited Becky to come over to have a chat. Becky’s parents said she shouldn’t go because they didn’t think having a chat in a motel room alone with a boy was such a good idea. Becky agreed.

One evening, they ended up going to the motel room after all. Aaron’s parents were out to dinner. Aaron and Becky thought it would be a good time to just sit and talk about their relationship without any other interruptions. It seemed safe enough. After all, they were just going to talk. Nothing else would happen.

After talking, they snuggled on the couch and started watching television. Things got a little carried away with their shows of affection, then things got completely out of control and they had sex.

They weren’t planning to have sex. They were both virgins. If you had asked either of them if they were going to have sex that night, they both would have vehemently denied it. But still it happened.

One moment of uncontrolled conduct changed Becky’s life in more ways than she ever imagined. It was bad enough losing her virginity -- something she really wanted to save for marriage. She also became pregnant.

Aaron’s life also changed. It's not clear what role he will play in the baby’s future, but it looks like he’s not going to be all that supportive. And even if he doesn’t help Becky - which he obviously should be man enough to do -- his future is tainted. He’s now going to be a daddy.

Getting married didn’t seem to be the solution. If Aaron wasn't willing to accept responsibility for what happened, what kind of father and husband would he be? And their religious convictions made abortion out of the question. So what is Becky going to do?

Becky’s Future?

Becky’s life is definitely changed. Gone are the exciting parties that accompany graduation from school. She will be near her due date. Gone is the anticipation of going to the college of her choice. She will be taking care of a baby. What a mess.

To the yet unborn child who is going to come into the world in a way no one should have to - the result of a bit of fun, not an enduring love.

Could It Happen to U?

"It won't happen to me", is a fairly common phrase. Many of us feel it won't happen to us. Then when it does, we are at a loss to explain what happened. Becky was.

Why? Where did she go wrong? Lack of morals? No, she had strong morals, and would be the first to tell you she never planned on having sex.

Lack of proper upbringing? No, her parents were open to her about sex and the problems that could result from premarital sex. They had talked about unwanted pregnancy and how it could change a person's life forever.

Becky's mother knew. She too had gotten pregnant out of wedlock. Hers was the result of a date rape. Still the consequences were traumatic. Her grandmother had kicked her out of the home she had to face the shame, the humiliation, the agony, the fear - all alone. Fortunately, Becky won't have to be alone. Her parents are there to help her.

Becky's mistake was the result of a bad choice - or perhaps better phrased, the lack of choice. Sure, Becky never planned to have sex, but she failed to plan not to. In other words, she didn’t think far enough ahead to avoid situations that would lead to negative consequences. For instance, Becky didn’t avoid compromising situations. She was alone with a boy, in a motel room – someplace she and Aaron never should have been. She then allowed things to happen because she always felt she could handle it. She would know when to stop. It wouldn't happen to her. But it happened. She lost control.

Learn from Becky. Don’t just let things happen or assume you’ll deal with a situation when and if it ever arrives. Plan now to stick to your morals and your values. Make the choice now not to allow yourself to be in compromising situations. Be in control of what you want... take charge, positively.

Foong Wai Leng
State FPA Manager
Perak FPA

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